When we wake up in the morning, we are greeting with a blank slate, a chance to write the day the way we want. Sure, there will be interruptions or mishaps or even dangers, but the day is still a promise, a hope, a chance.
I spent the summer and fall overcoming an unexpected illness, that literally, changed in a day, one of those mishaps that was unplanned. In the days spent recovering, I decided a few things
1. life is short and time will pass, might as well do what I want
2. my family are my blessings and my life would not be the same without them
3. friends are the music of my heart and I am blessed with young ones and old ones
4. money isn't everything
5. when you are sick, the real people who love you show up
6. kids are funny
7. aging will happen, might as well celebrate the gray and moisturize the wrinkles
8. it is never too late to go back to school
9. I really am a pretty awesome poet and narrativist
10. being a mother has been my single greatest joy
What are your things you've decided on this last day of November?
Friday, November 30, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Marching On
A week ago I was sitting in my bedroom, my bed filled with the business cards and brochures I received while in Chicago at the PhD Project Conference. I was evaluating my life choices and the next phase of my journey.
When I was in Chicago, I was surrounded by so many brilliant minds - all people of color - who were considering stepping away from their careers to go back to school. There were current doctoral students as panelists giving honest and thorough answers to the Q&A of what a business PhD program would entail. I missed the GMAT session (last time I took that was before I entered my M.B.A. studies over a decade ago) and thought about my son surviving his ACT for college...test taking anxieties hit me at full steam. My quick two and a half days were filled with conversations with recruiters and professors, discussion with Management and Marketing discipline representatives at the college fair, and forging a sisterhood with women who, like me, were considering an opportunity that would truly affect the next generation of business thinkers and leaders.
The PhD Project was founded in 1994 when the leaders of corporate america looked around their businesses and saw few people of color (African American, Latino, Asian & Pacific Islander, Native American) and realized the only way to change that was to start at the university level where future leaders were being trained. Bernie Milano, the visionary behind the project, asked the universities to list the black or latino professors (excluding HBCUs) who were PhD credentialed and full-time in their business departments...zero. I never had a black male or female business professor throughout my undergraduate or graduate academic career. I was one of the only black female adjunct professors many of my students ever encountered. This realization prompted KPMG and many corporations and universities to partner in this effort to recruit more people of color into academia.
I am pondering the possibility now. I enjoy teaching and love engaging with students, love discovering new things and love telling others about it - some of the ingredients necessary for scholarly work. When I was sitting in the meeting room of the Hyatt O'Hare, I thought about my family, the future, and the impact a decision like this would entail.
My last son is a freshman in college. He and his girlfriend left this morning to drive back to Alabama (she is at Tuskegee and he is at Alabama State University) to finish up their first semester of studies. They each have professors of color in their respective disciplines because they attend HBCUs. They also have professors who are white, diversity. Students who graduated like they did in 2012 and attend majority institutions may not have that same broad world view because their universities are primarily white, their roommates are primarily white, their campus is primarily white, their college towns are primarily white, their classmates are primarily white, and their professors are primarily white...in a country that is becoming more and more majority minority, their worldview will not be a diverse. I thought about that while in Chicago and when I returned home, the vast opportunity before us to transform the next generation of business leaders.
The girls were excited for me to go and excited when I told them I was going to make some big decisions in my life. They know they are my heart and part of every thought I've had for the past twelve years. They also know that time moves on, they are growing up, and they will march on with their hopes and dreams. The discussions we are having now may seem above their understanding, but will greatly impact their choices as women. We make choices and we seek balance and relevance.
I have always wanted my children to know they can do anything they set their minds to do. I have tried to lead by example, the older boys vividly remembering going to the library with me when I was pursing my M.B.A. as both a mother and a full-time student. They know I have placed opportunity, dreams, and quests on hold for them to live fully and richly. They have been my biggest cheerleaders and coaches.
Time marches on, gray hair springs up, and we grow older, it is the fact of waking up every day, a new day. I woke up and said while I'm not finished loving and nurturing, I am finished placing some hopes and dreams on hold.
When I was in Chicago, I was surrounded by so many brilliant minds - all people of color - who were considering stepping away from their careers to go back to school. There were current doctoral students as panelists giving honest and thorough answers to the Q&A of what a business PhD program would entail. I missed the GMAT session (last time I took that was before I entered my M.B.A. studies over a decade ago) and thought about my son surviving his ACT for college...test taking anxieties hit me at full steam. My quick two and a half days were filled with conversations with recruiters and professors, discussion with Management and Marketing discipline representatives at the college fair, and forging a sisterhood with women who, like me, were considering an opportunity that would truly affect the next generation of business thinkers and leaders.
The PhD Project was founded in 1994 when the leaders of corporate america looked around their businesses and saw few people of color (African American, Latino, Asian & Pacific Islander, Native American) and realized the only way to change that was to start at the university level where future leaders were being trained. Bernie Milano, the visionary behind the project, asked the universities to list the black or latino professors (excluding HBCUs) who were PhD credentialed and full-time in their business departments...zero. I never had a black male or female business professor throughout my undergraduate or graduate academic career. I was one of the only black female adjunct professors many of my students ever encountered. This realization prompted KPMG and many corporations and universities to partner in this effort to recruit more people of color into academia.
I am pondering the possibility now. I enjoy teaching and love engaging with students, love discovering new things and love telling others about it - some of the ingredients necessary for scholarly work. When I was sitting in the meeting room of the Hyatt O'Hare, I thought about my family, the future, and the impact a decision like this would entail.
My last son is a freshman in college. He and his girlfriend left this morning to drive back to Alabama (she is at Tuskegee and he is at Alabama State University) to finish up their first semester of studies. They each have professors of color in their respective disciplines because they attend HBCUs. They also have professors who are white, diversity. Students who graduated like they did in 2012 and attend majority institutions may not have that same broad world view because their universities are primarily white, their roommates are primarily white, their campus is primarily white, their college towns are primarily white, their classmates are primarily white, and their professors are primarily white...in a country that is becoming more and more majority minority, their worldview will not be a diverse. I thought about that while in Chicago and when I returned home, the vast opportunity before us to transform the next generation of business leaders.
The girls were excited for me to go and excited when I told them I was going to make some big decisions in my life. They know they are my heart and part of every thought I've had for the past twelve years. They also know that time moves on, they are growing up, and they will march on with their hopes and dreams. The discussions we are having now may seem above their understanding, but will greatly impact their choices as women. We make choices and we seek balance and relevance.
I have always wanted my children to know they can do anything they set their minds to do. I have tried to lead by example, the older boys vividly remembering going to the library with me when I was pursing my M.B.A. as both a mother and a full-time student. They know I have placed opportunity, dreams, and quests on hold for them to live fully and richly. They have been my biggest cheerleaders and coaches.
Time marches on, gray hair springs up, and we grow older, it is the fact of waking up every day, a new day. I woke up and said while I'm not finished loving and nurturing, I am finished placing some hopes and dreams on hold.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Five Years
There are some moments when you just know that you have to take the leap, do the thing set before you, launch out on faith, and capture the wind.
That realization hit me this past Friday afternoon, sitting in a conference room in the O'Hare Hyatt Regency, watching one after another of newly minted PhD's walk down the aisle for their capping ceremony. I started to cry, for it was my soul that woke up and my spirit leaped in recognition...this was my destiny.
Five years.
It takes five years to finish the business PhD in any of the five major disciplines.
Five years.
That time will go by in a blink. I have been in St. Louis for five years. My youngest daughter is about to be nine, she is alive and healthy, something we were wondering about five years ago when her illness was at its height. Before that, it had been five years since I was working in product marketing at Hallmark Cards, Inc. and left expecting my last child! Five years before that, I was taking another leap to move to Iowa to attend graduate school, three sons in tow. Five years before that, I was expecting my youngest son.
I can count back in five year increments over the last thirty years and recognize these major moments in my life. Five years have already gone by, five years ago when I was considering the doctorate, while I was teaching as an adjunct professor at Avila University.
Life is a journey and this next one will stretch me and challenge me and empower me.
When I was sitting in the room full of the most brilliant minds in business, I had to pinch myself, I was closer and closer to a destiny that has been waiting for this day. '
The women I met impacted my decision to go forward. We discussed our thoughts and explored the possibilities of being full time scholars. I am one of the ones who wants to own our own intellectual property, to think, explore, discover.
I remain so thankful to all the professors who shared their experiences and offered suggestions as we navigated throughout the day, through the college fair, and through the various breakout sessions.
Five years.
That is it.
Time marches on anyway. I am 48 years old anyway. I will be 50 when I enter the program in 2014 anyway. I will be 54 or 55 when I finish anyway. I will have more gray hair. I will be wiser. I will know more about my interest area. I will have published in journals. I will have presented papers. I will walk across that stage for my capping ceremony.
Five years. This time, it will be for my dream.
That realization hit me this past Friday afternoon, sitting in a conference room in the O'Hare Hyatt Regency, watching one after another of newly minted PhD's walk down the aisle for their capping ceremony. I started to cry, for it was my soul that woke up and my spirit leaped in recognition...this was my destiny.
Five years.
It takes five years to finish the business PhD in any of the five major disciplines.
Five years.
That time will go by in a blink. I have been in St. Louis for five years. My youngest daughter is about to be nine, she is alive and healthy, something we were wondering about five years ago when her illness was at its height. Before that, it had been five years since I was working in product marketing at Hallmark Cards, Inc. and left expecting my last child! Five years before that, I was taking another leap to move to Iowa to attend graduate school, three sons in tow. Five years before that, I was expecting my youngest son.
I can count back in five year increments over the last thirty years and recognize these major moments in my life. Five years have already gone by, five years ago when I was considering the doctorate, while I was teaching as an adjunct professor at Avila University.
Life is a journey and this next one will stretch me and challenge me and empower me.
When I was sitting in the room full of the most brilliant minds in business, I had to pinch myself, I was closer and closer to a destiny that has been waiting for this day. '
The women I met impacted my decision to go forward. We discussed our thoughts and explored the possibilities of being full time scholars. I am one of the ones who wants to own our own intellectual property, to think, explore, discover.
I remain so thankful to all the professors who shared their experiences and offered suggestions as we navigated throughout the day, through the college fair, and through the various breakout sessions.
Five years.
That is it.
Time marches on anyway. I am 48 years old anyway. I will be 50 when I enter the program in 2014 anyway. I will be 54 or 55 when I finish anyway. I will have more gray hair. I will be wiser. I will know more about my interest area. I will have published in journals. I will have presented papers. I will walk across that stage for my capping ceremony.
Five years. This time, it will be for my dream.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
He Is Still President and We are Still Here
A week ago this morning, the world woke up to the definite news that President Barack Hussein Obama was indeed elected President of the United States for a second term. He had a decisive electoral and popular vote victory of the challenger, Governor Mitt Romney, who finally, after midnight, conceded the election because he was (1) in denial that all the race and class filled hate ads, (2) all the voter suppression, (3) all the demonizing the female body, (4) all the homophobia, (5) all the religious ranting, and (5) all the scaring the white people, simply wasn't enough to get him to 270.
The week progressed (Florida was still counting votes) to finally giving that number that was an overwhelming mandate - 332 to 206. He won every constituency except white males, older white seniors (except he won Florida!), Cuban Americans, white married women (most likely because they are married to white men who control their lives), and the so-called christian religious extremists who predicted the end of the world if the black man won again.
Women were the sheer winners in the Democratic gains in the United States Senate. I proudly watched as state after state was called for another woman. My daughters were jumping up and down with me, this was a clear message to men that you don't rule anymore.
The House was a different story. 2010 ushered in a way of teaparty republicans and those "legislators" without experience but who scared up enough xenophobia to be elected. They then gerrymandered districts so severely that they were reelected. States that elected President Obama, voted for a Democratic Governor and U S Senator, ended up with a Republican Congressman. Order of business this term is to end that as well as making voting uniform so the shenanigans of Philadelphia, Ohio, and Florida do not happen again (incidentally...President Obama won all those states!)
I woke up that next morning feeling more hopeful and alive because the vast groups of the country, now the majority, came together to firmly state that hatred and religious dogma will not rule us. We are a country on land not our own (the Native peoples of the United States were here first, the rest of us are the true illegal immigrants...well, except for black people who were stolen from our homelands and forced here to build this country for the white Europeans (English and Dutch) who stole the lands and the Mexicans who were the native peoples of California, Arizona, Nevada, and parts of Texas before the whites took that over...but I digress) and are a country of diverse peoples who all ended up in this place that is supposed to be a democracy, supposed to stand for equal rights, supposed to support religious freedom and human liberty.
Black people, Latino People, Asian and Pacific Islander People, Native People, Young People, LGBT People, and Single Women all formed a tapestry that wove the new flag for our country. A representation of true democracy and Of The People governing. We got the message sent by the outside groups doing everything from misleading posters in black neighborhoods, wrong polling places in Spanish language ads, attack ads on television, robocalls, and just plain lying through their teeth - we were not a part of their agenda, their version of America.
It has been a week since I woke up and it was truly a fact that President Obama is indeed in for a second term. I listened to the next morning news for the remainder of Election Week sparse out the map (the southern former slave states are still red, haven't changed since slavery times) that decided it all; discuss the changing electorate (Majority Minority Nation); banter about Karl Rove and his denial - even when his own mouthpiece of Fox News called it for President Obama once he won Ohio; and finally, tell the republican party that their time of division is over, their time of being the party for the wealthy is over, their time of running the commentary of the nation is over - thirty years is enough. We saw a generation change and a take over. The Baby Boomer and the Gen X running mate were the last of their breed of the GOP on a national scale. We want something different.
President Obama once said we are not a white America and a black America, a red state and blue state America - We are the United States of America. I hope we all see that, even as state after state has been calling for session (Texas has been doing that every since the Civil War so they don't count) and poorer working whites in some red states are literally losing their mind (thinking of Rolla and Springfield, Missouri - in my homestate) that the black man truly was the best for the country, that the white man is no longer the standard bearer of what is proper behavior, what is proper governance, what is the proper image of a family man (General Petraeus just shattered that for us), what an American looks like - all that ended on election night - even a white man in one of the suburbs of St. Louis where I live wrote a nice essay to the Republican Party of why they lost the election!
Once the ranting is over, once the racism boils over - it is out there now, without the sheets - we know your moves, we know who you are from Papa John's Pizza and their "price increase because of Obamacare" to the CEO who literally fired people after the election to the woman who ran her husband over to the young woman who ended up being fired for her rant, to firing and closing of plants in St. Louis among other places because people dared to strike for a fair wage - good bye Hostess Twinkies, to the McDonald's that hung the flag upside down and the Applebee's that went nuts - we have seen who you are and we will not patronize you, we will ignore you, and your will fail - people stood in long lines for their freedom and freedom won.
In the days and months and years ahead, I know we will survive as a country, we will shift our thoughts, heal our wounds, create a new and better place for our children. It will be a place where truly the color of our skin won't be the only thing about us. It will be a place where women no longer make less than men and where our bodies are no longer up for government probing. It will be a place where a family does not go bankrupt over healthcare costs. It will be a place where corporations will not rule and the wealthy pay their fair share. It will be a place where someone who wants to work can work and not have to give up their dignity and family time to do it (even though Wal*Mart is opening at 8pm on Thanksgiving Day - people have protested and planned alternatives to Black Friday to send a clear message that we do not support this, the consumers do not want to consume that just so another CEO can make an exorbitant salary while enjoying his Thanksgiving turkey and his employees won't even get a turkey sandwich...Target, we sent you notices and hope you change your mind of following...you will still get sales!). It will be a place where everyone can get a 21st century education regardless of their family income, their zip code, and their race. It will be a place where truly, truly, we can have life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He is still President and we are still here - all of us, even the ones who threatened to move to Costa Rica and Canada - we are still here and we are all still Americas. Now, let's get on with it.
The week progressed (Florida was still counting votes) to finally giving that number that was an overwhelming mandate - 332 to 206. He won every constituency except white males, older white seniors (except he won Florida!), Cuban Americans, white married women (most likely because they are married to white men who control their lives), and the so-called christian religious extremists who predicted the end of the world if the black man won again.
Women were the sheer winners in the Democratic gains in the United States Senate. I proudly watched as state after state was called for another woman. My daughters were jumping up and down with me, this was a clear message to men that you don't rule anymore.
The House was a different story. 2010 ushered in a way of teaparty republicans and those "legislators" without experience but who scared up enough xenophobia to be elected. They then gerrymandered districts so severely that they were reelected. States that elected President Obama, voted for a Democratic Governor and U S Senator, ended up with a Republican Congressman. Order of business this term is to end that as well as making voting uniform so the shenanigans of Philadelphia, Ohio, and Florida do not happen again (incidentally...President Obama won all those states!)
I woke up that next morning feeling more hopeful and alive because the vast groups of the country, now the majority, came together to firmly state that hatred and religious dogma will not rule us. We are a country on land not our own (the Native peoples of the United States were here first, the rest of us are the true illegal immigrants...well, except for black people who were stolen from our homelands and forced here to build this country for the white Europeans (English and Dutch) who stole the lands and the Mexicans who were the native peoples of California, Arizona, Nevada, and parts of Texas before the whites took that over...but I digress) and are a country of diverse peoples who all ended up in this place that is supposed to be a democracy, supposed to stand for equal rights, supposed to support religious freedom and human liberty.
Black people, Latino People, Asian and Pacific Islander People, Native People, Young People, LGBT People, and Single Women all formed a tapestry that wove the new flag for our country. A representation of true democracy and Of The People governing. We got the message sent by the outside groups doing everything from misleading posters in black neighborhoods, wrong polling places in Spanish language ads, attack ads on television, robocalls, and just plain lying through their teeth - we were not a part of their agenda, their version of America.
It has been a week since I woke up and it was truly a fact that President Obama is indeed in for a second term. I listened to the next morning news for the remainder of Election Week sparse out the map (the southern former slave states are still red, haven't changed since slavery times) that decided it all; discuss the changing electorate (Majority Minority Nation); banter about Karl Rove and his denial - even when his own mouthpiece of Fox News called it for President Obama once he won Ohio; and finally, tell the republican party that their time of division is over, their time of being the party for the wealthy is over, their time of running the commentary of the nation is over - thirty years is enough. We saw a generation change and a take over. The Baby Boomer and the Gen X running mate were the last of their breed of the GOP on a national scale. We want something different.
President Obama once said we are not a white America and a black America, a red state and blue state America - We are the United States of America. I hope we all see that, even as state after state has been calling for session (Texas has been doing that every since the Civil War so they don't count) and poorer working whites in some red states are literally losing their mind (thinking of Rolla and Springfield, Missouri - in my homestate) that the black man truly was the best for the country, that the white man is no longer the standard bearer of what is proper behavior, what is proper governance, what is the proper image of a family man (General Petraeus just shattered that for us), what an American looks like - all that ended on election night - even a white man in one of the suburbs of St. Louis where I live wrote a nice essay to the Republican Party of why they lost the election!
Once the ranting is over, once the racism boils over - it is out there now, without the sheets - we know your moves, we know who you are from Papa John's Pizza and their "price increase because of Obamacare" to the CEO who literally fired people after the election to the woman who ran her husband over to the young woman who ended up being fired for her rant, to firing and closing of plants in St. Louis among other places because people dared to strike for a fair wage - good bye Hostess Twinkies, to the McDonald's that hung the flag upside down and the Applebee's that went nuts - we have seen who you are and we will not patronize you, we will ignore you, and your will fail - people stood in long lines for their freedom and freedom won.
In the days and months and years ahead, I know we will survive as a country, we will shift our thoughts, heal our wounds, create a new and better place for our children. It will be a place where truly the color of our skin won't be the only thing about us. It will be a place where women no longer make less than men and where our bodies are no longer up for government probing. It will be a place where a family does not go bankrupt over healthcare costs. It will be a place where corporations will not rule and the wealthy pay their fair share. It will be a place where someone who wants to work can work and not have to give up their dignity and family time to do it (even though Wal*Mart is opening at 8pm on Thanksgiving Day - people have protested and planned alternatives to Black Friday to send a clear message that we do not support this, the consumers do not want to consume that just so another CEO can make an exorbitant salary while enjoying his Thanksgiving turkey and his employees won't even get a turkey sandwich...Target, we sent you notices and hope you change your mind of following...you will still get sales!). It will be a place where everyone can get a 21st century education regardless of their family income, their zip code, and their race. It will be a place where truly, truly, we can have life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He is still President and we are still here - all of us, even the ones who threatened to move to Costa Rica and Canada - we are still here and we are all still Americas. Now, let's get on with it.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Voting – Know Your Rules - Reposted from Peanut Jelly Sandwich
I went to vote today, with my daughters in tow, me on a cane, limping for my rights. I made my daughters take pictures of me while voting and we all talked about all parts of the ballot. I drove around today, spent time with my girls, had coffee and soup, and thought about all the news I've heard all across the country regarding the election. Then I opened my mailbox and found this wonderful post by my cousin that I thought said it better than I could. Take a bite of this Peanut Jelly Sandwich and consider what would really happen if voting was made easier across the country...
New post on Peanut Jelly Sandwich |  |
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Saturday, November 3, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Remembering Cory
Thirty years ago my angel took flight.
Yesterday, my daughters went with me to choose his memorial, something tangible in remembrance that we can take and grow.
His baby sister, born on the 1st like him, chose the plant that is small, like a baby, and can grow to keep living. She said the statute looked like a "little fat boy reading a book" and asked me about her big brother.
He took flight and the hole in my heart has been filled with my sweet memory of holding him, straddled with his legs wrapped around my waist, we sitting in the chair, me struggling to breathe but singing to him anyway. His tiny hands, his head full of curly hair, his sweet smell, his chubby cheeks.
For years I neither celebrated his birthday nor mourned his death - each was too painful. I vowed his death would not be in vain so I got my secretarial degree, got a full-time job, taught myself to drive, bought a car, had an apartment, went to college, and tried to forget the tragedy, the abandonment, the abuse, I grew up and thought I would never have another child, I had already had the one and lost the one, could not open up my heart again.
Five years later, I had my second son and my heart expanded beyond possibility. I was older, more mature, and didn't need my parents. My son Jamar was held in my arms, cuddled, and went everywhere with me that I could take him - even to class at the university. He received all that I had to give him. I loved him for himself and in holding him, my heart melted, I could mother again.
My baby boy will always be my heart and I refuse to have his life be the tragedy and circumstances that took his life. He was my firstborn and my spirit will forever sing his song.
My son was Cory LaMont Brent. He lived, he lives in my soul.
Yesterday, my daughters went with me to choose his memorial, something tangible in remembrance that we can take and grow.
His baby sister, born on the 1st like him, chose the plant that is small, like a baby, and can grow to keep living. She said the statute looked like a "little fat boy reading a book" and asked me about her big brother. He took flight and the hole in my heart has been filled with my sweet memory of holding him, straddled with his legs wrapped around my waist, we sitting in the chair, me struggling to breathe but singing to him anyway. His tiny hands, his head full of curly hair, his sweet smell, his chubby cheeks.
For years I neither celebrated his birthday nor mourned his death - each was too painful. I vowed his death would not be in vain so I got my secretarial degree, got a full-time job, taught myself to drive, bought a car, had an apartment, went to college, and tried to forget the tragedy, the abandonment, the abuse, I grew up and thought I would never have another child, I had already had the one and lost the one, could not open up my heart again.
Five years later, I had my second son and my heart expanded beyond possibility. I was older, more mature, and didn't need my parents. My son Jamar was held in my arms, cuddled, and went everywhere with me that I could take him - even to class at the university. He received all that I had to give him. I loved him for himself and in holding him, my heart melted, I could mother again.
My baby boy will always be my heart and I refuse to have his life be the tragedy and circumstances that took his life. He was my firstborn and my spirit will forever sing his song.
My son was Cory LaMont Brent. He lived, he lives in my soul.
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