Dreaming of Possibilities While Becoming and Putting Meat on My Soul

 I had the opportunity this past weekend to go to Vermont and New Hampshire.

It was for a job interview and honestly, a moment of respite.  

The past year was spent with me spending close to 72 hours-a-week in the hospital as a chaplain resident. To say that I absorbed a lot of sadness, uncertainty, doubt, fear, trauma, and death, is an understatement.  I had to do my intentional casting it off every day and do intensive self-care for my own soul.

This work is not for the weak.

So, while staying at a lovely inn in Vermont (why do a franchise of a national hotel where you may or may not have good service?), I was able to unwind. 

The drive up was breathtaking and I couldn't help but to keep oooohhhhing and aaaahhhing at the mountains and natural rock formations in the middle of the highway that have been here for millennia.  This Earth is truly beautiful and she will replenish herself. 

Once I reached my destination in the quaint little town of Norwich with an authentic Main Street, I settled into my well-appointed room with a view of the most beautiful trees and yard, I walked over to the main part of the inn for dinner.  

Whenever I travel, I am a bit of an amateur anthropologist and even have a book, "Toni's Favorite Things" for when I encounter something I want to remember or some place I want to take my family. Doing me, I asked the young lady who served me what should I order (she was so right!) and then, where was the best place for breakfast (even though the inn had a continental). She did not steer me wrong and told me I was only a mile from New Hampshire.

It turned out, this part of the Northeast is known as the Upper Valley with residents crossing the state lines quite regularly. 

That Sunday evening, after dinner and reading the poetry of Danielle Doby, I returned to my room, showered, double checked my items for the Monday afternoon meetings, and went to sleep.

Rest was plentiful, fortifying, and renewing. I didn't wake up until 9am!

When I finished up my prepping for the day, I loaded up my car, checked out of the inn, and drove the short bit over to New Hampshire for breakfast at Lou's .

Again, always talk to the people who live there and they will not steer you wrong. 

The best maple vanilla latte and orange cranberry muffin I've ever had!

Since it was still early and I had two hours before my interview, I walked the Main Street, made a few small purchases (yes, a new mug!) and then drove around the campus of Dartmouth. 

Foundational Black Americans are everywhere and I saw two young men walking across the campus and when meeting, gave the universal Black man dap and head nod, then walking along their opposite destinations. It made me smile the same way I did when I saw a young FBA woman with braids walking and my car stopped to let her pass. She waved, I waved back.  

My afternoon foray took me back over to Vermont for a quick stop at the Norwich Public Library and then to my chaplain interviews. 

When the interviews were over, I couldn't leave without checking out the Norwich Bookstore, and yes, bought more books, one of which I had been waiting to read for a bit. 

It was in the shop when I was ringing out that the two young AngloAmerican women engaged in conversation with me. We chatted about the necessity of books and that inevitably turns to what is happening in the country. They were angry about it, both were natives of the two states and one said something I've yet to hear in person, "You know we, white women, are the most protected in the country, of course it is our fight." This was in response to me identifying as an FBA and 92%. I promise you it was book related, there was a book from the Smithsonian that I reluctantly had to pass on because I was nearing my self-imposed budget (even though my husband never tells me no to book purchases).  We chatted, they told me about the area, and then wished each other well.

There was a sense of hope in me at the end of that day. 

When I was pulling out of the driveway, there on the corner was a group of AngloAmericans protesting this regime. In little Norwich, Vermont.

I honked and smiled. There are more good people in the country and eventually, they will find their voice, their courage, and their stance. 

My husband and daughters don't always like to roadtrip with me because I like to meander. I will take a random stop for food, coffee, or books. This drive back down I-91 was no different. Well, I did need to take care of nature and get some water.

Connecticut-Vermont rest stops are plentiful with amenities. The ones in Vermont especially give maps and an idea of the state, they even had a machine featuring their coffee that was quite tasty!

Off I go back down I-91 until I get to Brattleboro and my usual traipses down Main Street was thwarted due to time, I forgot most real Main Streets close by 5 0'clock. 

Not to be dismayed, I drove back south a couple miles to the outer edge of Brattleboro for a respite and ended up at a Tavern! There was a gathering of women doing a paint-and-sip, some folks at the bar, and a scratch kitchen that made the tastiest smash burger I ever ate. I sat, watched, ate the entire thing, and before I left, took some deep breaths in their outside garden. During the day, this Tavern is connected to a Vermont products only shopping area that would be a fun excursion.

Places like this remind me that we the people hold the key to renewal and recovery. It was never the big box stores hyping overconsumption. I enjoyed actual human beings who checked me in, took my order, brought me my food, wrapped up my packages, and showed me around. The human touch, after all, that is why the God of the Universe created a companion for adamah - we were never meant to be here alone and only make it all about us.

One of the things I thought about in musing the trip was the ways that the poets I carry in my heart were my song.

Emily Dickinson gave me one of my favorite lines that has been etched in so much of my work since taking a poetry class at Offered by ModPo through Coursera back in 2012:

 "I Dwell in Possibilities." That is a full mouth of hope. 

Asha Bandele wrote a book, daughter,
and I read it back in 2004 or 2005 at a time in my life when I was stunned, in a fog, and trying to figure out the next. A line in the book that has been undergirding me since then is:

"I will be a Collector of Me and Put Meat on My Soul." Mouthful! I even painted that on some chairs that were with me until yet another move and that last move made them succumb.

Finally, I encountered a poet this past spring and finally had a chance to spend some time in her work.

Danielle Doby wrote in her book, I Am Her Tribe:

"you are a season of becoming." Powerful!

See, we are all in this moment of time together in the world that is more than just this one second.

I felt that with my entire soul.

This journey of mine has been for the past twenty-five years almost as long as my husband and I have been married, through changes, moves, careers, children, and renewing, I've been becoming me.

Seasons change, they ebb and flow, possibilities remains and the soul will always need attending.

I'm determined in this last third of my life to be all that is available to me, to do all that my endurance will allow, to not count myself out before trying, and to honor my presence and right to be.

You are invited to do the same.

Sitting at home on a rainy Thursday thinking about tomorrow of tomorrows while enjoying today.

©2025. All Rights Reserved. Antona B. Smith. Tayé Foster Bradshaw Group LLC.