Nesting Toni Along The Way
I had the moments this weekend to just be present with myself.
My schedule didn't warrant driving the four-and-a-half hours home, and honestly, if I was going to be in a dwelling along all weekend, I kinda wanted it to be in this little nest in Vermont.
Hubby was traveling this weekend and our grad school daughter went back to her alma mater for their epic homecoming celebration.
My weekend set in with the delivery service bringing the loveseat and dining table I'd been saving for since January. Of course, I could've just bought it when I moved into this little apartment back in April, but there was a patient in waiting that I wanted to give myself.
The place was asking me to get to know her, so for a long while, I had the air mattress I bought when my daughters came to visit. It became my sortakindamaybefutonish. I enjoyed it for a few months and just relaxed after work.
Then, last weekend, I was able to be home a bit longer than just a day.
In that time, I was able to go to a furniture store our family had frequented before. This was after seeing the perfect little loveseat and dining table online.
But me, being a Jones Generation, and the joy of customer service, decided to go in person.
Right away, I was met with someone who was able to help me get what I needed and set it up for delivery. I bought it on Monday and it was delivered on Saturday. Efficient and yes, worth the fee for their service.
They came on time, quickly set it up, and left me with my entire day.
I went out to get a little pillow and throw for the loveseat and some table linen.
It met me right there.
My evening then had me setting it up and instead of a rug, I repurposed one of my throws as a floor throw because the color scheme I wanted wasn't there. Plus, I had already spent my allowance, so I reminded myself that this is my working-in-Vermont-home and it is not a place for likes, clicks, or the thoughts of some wannabe designer on Instagram who has a link to her Amazon account.
It made me smile.
I've been repurposing myself, my moments, and what matters to me in this final third of my life.
This little spot is reflective of my somewhat quirky, slow build, and comfortable with me lifestyle.
My life has shifted, now that all my children are adults.
It was something my youngest daughter told me when she was graduating from high school and preparing to go away to college. She said, "it's your time now, Mama, do what you want."
Like so many, a lot of my life and prior years had been focused on supporting someone else's everything. I wrapped my ambition, dreams, and desires around their schedule, their classes, their activities, their events that I needed to be present for. It was a moment, much like what First Lady Michelle Obama has been sharing in her podcast. She, too, is a sixty-something Jones Generation rediscovering herself outside being anyone's anything.
I have the love and support of my husband, my children, and in that joy, have been hearing myself.
It is also a heavy writing year for me and heavy transition in my work as a Palliative Care Chaplain.
The time to set up my spot was important, so that when my long work days are over, I can come to a place that is orderly, inviting, and welcoming of my introverted self.
It is coming along, and in the reverse, whenever my husband and daughters are able to travel up to Vermont, it is set up as a place of respite for them.
That is the thing that being older allows you - a bit of freedom.
There isn't anyone that I have to perform for.
I can choose me.
Isn't that something.
I can choose to appreciate my wrinkles, the gray hairs, the aches and pains, the ways I love being with me.
It is me, nesting for me, and deciding how I want to age, how I want to appreciate beauty, and how I want peace.
The other big things I've done have been to release.
Again, other than my family, I don't owe anyone my precious free time. I don't have to do another anything. It is kinda freeing.
I'm not a big joiner.
There are only four (sometimes, five) weekends in a month and I don't want all of them scheduled out for yet another volunteer thing that takes up the whole day. Especially when most of that is four-and-a-half-hours away. I can't drive nine hours in a weekend all the time.
It becomes relative and important in different ways.
Just like adjusting one's schedule, one's space, and one's life to simply be ok with being on with being with oneself. I don't have to fill every moment of my weekend. Even when I stay in town, I don't have to earn my presence here. I just need me.
That is me emptying my nest and filling my cup in ways that allow me to blossom.
What gives you calm?
What fills your cup?
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