Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Commentary: What Angers Me - Why They Stay

Something really angers me.

When people know a woman is in a challenging relationship - could be abusive, maybe psychologically, addictive spouse, financial constraints, physical abuse, sexual abusive, homosexual spouse, mental abuse, you name it - and they reach out to people for guidance and help,and those people want to just tell the woman to "leave" without assisting, that ANGERS me!

It is so easy to spout off about what a person should do when their very livelihood is threatened by an insecure person and you have the means to help but do nothing.

A lot of people know someone who is in a marital relationship that is not healthy, but instead of concrete things - the woman does not need your psychological two-bits - they just talk about her.  She is damned if she leaves (how could she leave that "good" man) and damned if she stays (I wouldn't do that if I were her) but not assisted to a healthier life.

It takes a lot to get out.  Money, job, house, car, doctors, papers, schools, lawyers.  The controlling spouse knows that, too, and tries everything to keep that from happening.  Whether it is constant travel (usually these situations involve more affluent couples) or public appearances or simply keeping the couple in debt so the woman's credit is messed up, the controlling spouse always puts up roadblocks.  It is even more complicated if the couple is in the church.

Churches favor the man.  Period.  The woman is just collateral and the children are just jewels in the man's crown.  That is basically the bottom line.  Women can forget getting help from the church (regardless of denomination).

So, note to self and others, the next time a woman is seeking help trying to find a job or affordable and SAFE housing or financial help, just give it.  And also note, a lot of single mothers are divorced from controlling men and working two or three jobs to stay safe, do not judge her or her kids for having a house full without a husband, maybe that husband is not all he was cracked up to be.

I'm just saying, some things just make me mad and that was one of them.

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