Thursday, January 29, 2015

Jamar's Song

The universe smile upon me. Unexpectedly.

Wishing my oldest living son a very happy 28th birthday.

I told him it was absolutely meant that he would interrupt what I thought was my life path and plan. He became the only son of his father, a third generation look-alike. He is a renaissance man, a man that writes, draws, raps, and thinks, thinks, thinks  He is a self-made man, an unconventional man who decided that while the producers came knocking at his door, he didn't want to pay their price to open it.  Instead, he produced and marketed his CD himself, the old fashioned way.

My son was my rock when I was a divorced mom in Chicago with him and his little brother trying to make it in the early 90s.  When I close my mind's eye and remember how mature and grown up he was at five, I shed a tear and want to give him back his childhood. He was so protective of his mama and his little brother. They were my world, I closed out the chance to date, focused on them, finishing school, and working full-time in the Loop. He was strong for a short little guy, carried the box of Tide up the bus steps like a champ while I held his little brother and the duffle bag of laundry. We made it work.

Remembering his love of reading, his advanced conversations, his love of God, his view of the universe, his endurance, his pain, his choices, his bubbly dancing eyes, remembering him coming back from death to life. He did not choose the path I wanted for him, but he chose the path meant for him. He is my heart.

Life has a funny way of giving you chances to adjust and decide how you will navigate. You journey one step at a time.

Today, I'm  honoring the steps of my much loved son.

Happy Birthday Jamar!

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