The Musings of a Latte Queen: Narratives of Everyday Life

Six years ago on May 8th, my world turned upside down. I was let go from my corporate job. There was a sense of triumph and a sense of relief along with the dread of losing all that money. I had seen the handwriting on the wall about a year earlier when I had returned to work from maternity leave in March 2002. The atmosphere seemed tense, people were nervous, I was somewhat oblivious, still in the euphoria over the birth of my daughter. I took on my next assignment as part of the career development program I was in when I left for maternity leave six months prior. It was actually the maternity leave that made it possible for me to return because a couple of people in the same rotational program had been let go before they even completed the twelve-to-eighteen-month internal consulting gigs. The promise was that we were being groomed for management and would have a job in the end. Perhaps I ignored the sense of dread upon taking the "only position available" within the c...

Someone asked me why I was writing a lot about domestic violence lately. I had to ponder the question and thought, why not writing about this epidemic? It affects more people, women, than we realize, or more than we care to admit. Just yesterday I read a very disturbing article in the St. Louis Argus. It was about a 18-year-old man who sexually molested and beat to death his girlfriend's 14-month-old daughter. Then he went to sleep. The mother trusted her boyfriend (we'll talk about this mistake later) to watch the child while she went to work. When the mother came home, the boyfriend was sleeping in the living room. The mother asked the whereabouts of the baby and he told her she was "sleeping." The mother then found the most horrific scene any mother could imagine. No one can know the anguish of this young mother, simply trying to work since our government threw her and many women like her off the welfare rolls. She had her own apartment and because childc...

Abuse victims report long-term poor health, depression * Story Highlights * NIH: Domestic violence is the most common cause of injury to women ages 15 to 44 * Study: Abused women more likely to have depression, anxiety, joint pain * Calling a domestic violence hot line is a good first step for a victim By Elizabeth Landau CNN Decrease font Decrease font Enlarge font Enlarge font (CNN) -- Just days after giving birth to her second child, Dr. Jane Dimer drove herself home from the hospital to find her then-husband in bed with another woman. He threw Dimer down the stairs, and she never saw him again until court. Rihanna was allegedly attacked by her boyfriend, singer Chris Brown, before the Grammys on February 8. Rihanna was allegedly attacked by her boyfriend, singer Chris Brown, before the Grammys on February 8. Dimer, now an obstetrician-gynecologist at Group Health Cooperative in Seattle, Washington, had been in an abusive relationship with her husband in Germany ...

I thought this was very good from The Black Commentator . I see a vast public outcry especially as the news continues to unfold over AIG's bonuses, including Bank of America, I am changing accounts tomorrow! I saw over on Huffington Post that there was some concern that President Obama would receive the backlash, but I believe this is just Republican smokescreening designed to diver the attention of white middle class America. It is not working according to the 68% approval rating posted over on Daily Kos . We are all int he same house and it is on fire. Our House Is On Fire, Part 1: Now the Robber Barons Replace the Welfare Queens (and Rightly So) - Color of Law By David A. Love, JD, BlackCommentator.com Editorial Board The following is the first part of an ongoing Color of Law series. Gordon Gecko had a long run of it, but now the party is over. I’m talking, of course, about the character in the film Wall Street, that conniving titan of finance who would sell his mother fo...

I thought my last article on the subject would the the last for a while until I couldn't sleep and was watching Larry King. He was interviewing Robin Givens about the whole Rihanna domestic abuse situation with Chris Brown. Seeing Robin sitting there, she and I are about the same age, reminded me of the very painful viewing of her interview with Mike Tyson and Barbara Walters. I could tell she was hurting then but there were no words. Today is different and women are speaking out, the result of being silent is too great. Nicole Brown Simpson lost her life because her ex-husband, now convicted of another crime, beat her senseless for the entirety of their marriage but because he was a celebrity, the sympathy was on him and not the victim. This must end and I will not stop talking about it. I also thought I was finished until I read an excerpt of Dr. Robin Smith's book, "Lies at the Altar: The Secret of Great Marriages" and her acknowledgment of the debilitating...

Someone mentioned to me that I wasn't exhibiting much grace when I wrote about the whole abuse/addiction issue. I was writing about the Rihanna's of the world. I mentor a group of teenage girls and I have had the police come in and teach them a self-defense class. I write about it and talk about it because I lived it and escaped it as a young girl, it cost me a lot more than an few endorsements. I am passionate about listening to the victim, this is especially true in the black community where abuse is pushed under the rug more often than not. I found this post over on Digital Journal and thought it was worth repeating. Oprah is not my number one source of information, but I do believe she has an important message, herself being a survivor of domestic violence. It sometimes takes a survivor to tell a victim that you will get past the confusion, the hurt, the shame, the questions, the stares, the silent screams and will find the strength to turn around, stare that devil...

When I finished my post about renewing, I went on my usual cruise back through the news and found a great link to President Obama's weekly radio address . He sees this as an opportunity. I agree wholeheartedly and this is the reason I wrote my blog earlier today. We are in a season of opportunity. Yes, a door has been closed but another is opening wide, will be walk through or not?

Our country has lost another 655,000 jobs in February. There were 2.4 million jobs lost in the last four months alone. It has all changed forever the landscape of our country. This got me to thinking this morning, who will we be now? Who will I be now? I woke up thinking about the process of redefining and renewing the definition of oneself after a major change. This morning as I was getting ready for my usual Saturday morning escape, I thought how differently I am now versus twelve years ago when I was in grad school. My baby girl, age, woke up joyfully and eagerly. The world seemed like an endless playground for her. She was ready to jump up in my bed and watch Jimmy Neutron. She looked at me with her curly wisps in a morning tussle and a kilowatt smile spread across her chubby face. Her sister, age seven, was cocooning under the blankets, trying to escape the invading morning light. They were in the last moments of "howl out night", a long-time family tradition. ...

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin appointed this woman to the Alaskan Supreme Court. Women in tough marriages in Alaska now have a certified enemy in the court system that is already notoriously slanted in hearing their plight. A vast majority of the women in prison for murder are there because they could not take it anymore and killed their abuser in self-defense. In these trying economic times with more and more layoffs and financial plight, expect to hear more about women victims of domestic violence. We must keep calling attention to this issue and offer real reform, real change, and real help to rebuild lives. If these men did this to other men or to a stranger woman, they would be behind bars. Christen involved in custody cases involving DV, rape, suicide/homocide Morgan Christen allegedly appointed a child custody evaluator (CCE) rumored in the industry to never recommend custody to a mother. Same CCE also rumored to have had a past relationship with a father-litigant and vowed ...

This was on a People Magazine site and I am reposting it here because there is some important lessons in this entire drama. It is not easy for women in abusive relationships to stay and it is even harder to leave. Rihanna and Chris Brown are no exception. How Could Rihanna Take Back Chris Brown? By Ken Lee and Sharon Cotliar Originally posted Wednesday March 04, 2009 07:00 AM EST Rihanna and Chris Brown Photo by: Fame (2)How Could Rihanna Take Back Chris Brown? While Rihanna and Chris Brown's reconciliation after an alleged abuse incident has shocked family and friends, domestic violence experts say it's all too common for a woman to return – often repeatedly. In fact, experts say, it's unrealistic to expect women not to go back to their abusers, be they husbands or boyfriends, as the victims grapple with feelings of guilt, fear, isolation – even love. "It never surprises me," says Violent Partners author Linda Mills, who believes therapists and people close to ...

My girlfriend sent this out this morning and I thought it was excellent. I've been musing about life like a lot of us have as we seek to redefine who we are in the midst of this economic depression. Someone told me the other day that part of the national problem is that we have defined ourselves by what we do, how we do it, where we live, or what people think/say about us. I thought about this some more and realized how exhausting it is to live up to other people's expectations and forget about living! So, in honor of my girlfriend and in honor of living, I say, just quit! Here is her list of things to quit, I am taking notes, what about you? 1) Quit arguing with people about the same old foolishness! -Respect their position and keep it moving! 2) Quit telling people your secrets when you know they are not going to keep them! -And if you keep telling them, then quit getting mad when they tell your secrets! 3) Quit trying to pull people on your journey who...

Update Rihanna is from Barbados, an island that has high incidence of domestic violence. It was reported this morning on both CNN and on Jack & Jill Politics.com that she went back to Chris Brown. This is the mistake a lot of women make because as the CNN story showed this morning, there is still a lot of blaming the victim. This is sad to me because she had an opportunity and support to leave, definitely was in much better financial shape than a lot of battered women. There are many, many stories of black women killed by their intimate, often black, male partners. This is why the Pearl Cleage message resonated with me and is so important that I have to share it. This is happening to black women in all economic levels, married or not, at all educational levels. Violence against women must stop and overwhelmingly more black women are killed than white women because of this epidemic. I call the names and murder dates of some of these black women! 1. Shukura Akilah Abdullah ...