The Musings of a Latte Queen: Narratives of Everyday Life

I am getting divorced. Divorced from unreasonable expectations. Divorced from yokes and chains. Divorced from societal demands. Divorced from past failures. Divorced from false thoughts. Divorced from shoulds. Why? Because I want to live. I thought this morning about all the time in my life I wasted trying to live up to expectations put on me by others. Then I wondered how many expectations, shoulds, oughts, and musts I am putting on my children and would they one day sit at a high powered device to write about it. In this society we think married people should stay married to honor the institution, even if the institution is damaging the soul, or keeps women in chains, or does not allow same sex unions, or is abusive. Images are placed on us, particularly Americans, to hold up to some false ideal of a perfect life.  I live in the suburbs and know that many of the carpool line moms are closeted prescription drug addicts, alcoholics trying to self-medicate fr...

Today I ran into one of my Mocha Moms sisters while we were both in the middle of our mommy duties - shuttling kids to doctors.  She was taking her little one for a routine checkup, I was taking mine to her twice-weekly allergy shots.  We had a moment in the lobby of this professional building to preach to the choir. It must be a full moon or something because both of us recognized that look of sheer exhaustion and a "discussion" with our mutual husbands about the worth of what we do at home.  We both got the "you don't do anything all day but drive kids around."  Both of us understood the time consuming chore of taking kids from one thing to the next in traffic.  Then there was the "you aren't doing anything with your degree, that little (fill in the blank) is just a hobby and not a real job."  We understood. As our moment of sharing ended and our mutual crew of daughters hugged good-bye, we gave each other that look of, "girl, if no one ...

Today my cousin told me my keyboard was still smoldering so I'm ending the night by stepping off my soapbox and taking a walk. First, I sat in the lovely sunshine and watched my daughter play.  Then I read a few chapters of The Hemingses of Monticello and since I am still in the early part, feel good about the book.  I received a photo of my deceased son and while it is grainy, it is enough to show his younger siblings.  And finally, I connected with some childhood friends that made me smile at the memory. My night ended with me doing the happy dance because I FINALLY made something my six year old daughter likes. She rages more battles in her body than even the most ardent tea partier could rage against our government. Food is almost poison to her.  She is allergic to everything and even the allergist, nutritionist, and kids GI doctor all looked at me and said, they didn't know what to tell me.  They were the experts!  What do I feed this kid? ...

The other day my cousin asked me if my keyboard was on fire. I told him, no, the flames are out. But the fire in my soul to speak up is not. I looked at some things that are happening in our nation, in our schools, and in my city, and just got angry.  It is not okay to bully anyone.  Relentless tormenting of another is wrong.  The young girl who killed herself saw no way out.  The wife who stays sees no way out.  The kid on the corner with a gun sees no way out. Then I went to my favorite coffeeshop to bask in the sunshine, sip a latte, and read my LARGE print Bible.  I let the wisdom of the Provers was over me like a much needed shower.  And just as I was filling up, an acquaintance walked up and asked to join me for coffee. She and I shared our spiritual connection, hunger, rebellion, and thirst for doing.  It had to be  'God' moment because this mother and I both have children at the same school and never talked matters of faith....

Something really angers me. When people know a woman is in a challenging relationship - could be abusive, maybe psychologically, addictive spouse, financial constraints, physical abuse, sexual abusive, homosexual spouse, mental abuse, you name it - and they reach out to people for guidance and help,and those people want to just tell the woman to "leave" without assisting, that ANGERS me! It is so easy to spout off about what a person should do when their very livelihood is threatened by an insecure person and you have the means to help but do nothing. A lot of people know someone who is in a marital relationship that is not healthy, but instead of concrete things - the woman does not need your psychological two-bits - they just talk about her.  She is damned if she leaves (how could she leave that "good" man) and damned if she stays (I wouldn't do that if I were her) but not assisted to a healthier life. It takes a lot to get out.  Money, job, house, car...

The other day was disturbing for me. For a brief moment, I allowed myself to feel inadequate, diminished, less-than-worthy because I do not "work at a real job."  I let myself absorb the stress that someone who does answer the corporate grind feels and found myself very uncomfortable and defensive, yep, said it, defensive.  It was like an escalated version of the mommy wars and I had to put it to a stop. I did the corporate grind of driving through traffic, sitting through meetings where real work didn't get accomplished, working lunch hours, long evenings, taking work home, and answering to a rigid corporate culture.  That world for me ended in May 2003 when I was one of many laid others during the early years of the now infamous Great Recession. My work-at-home status has opened up doors of opportunity that would otherwise have been closed.  Not all the doors were financial and all of them have been rewarding and part of my purpose. Had I continued in my wr...

S omeone sent this to me in my email and it is just so on point that I am reposting it here.  It sums up a lot of the "anger" over the last year.  Come on people, now, really now is when you want to get mad?   Subject: NOW YOU GET MAD We had eight years of Bush and Cheney,  now you get mad! You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President. You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate energy policy. You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed. You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.. You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us. You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on said illegal war. You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq . You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people. You didn't get mad when the government...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shane-claiborne/death-be-not-proud_b_524340.html The sun rose this morning and many who share my faith, of any denomination or no denomination, found themselves at a Sunrise Service to remember one of the most sacred events that marks our faith as the hope we cherish. Christmas is about the baby boy being born to a virgin mother, a blessed King who answered the long awaited hope of a nation, even if they did not all receive him as such.  Christmas celebrated the baby, Easter or Resurrection is about that, the ending of the earthly life of a very young man for a crime that was not his, but our's, mine, if you believe in universal sin and ultimate forgiveness in Him alone. Easter is about the man wrestling with the demands of his being.  He meditated, he cried, he spent time with his friends, he walked outside and I'm sure had moments of crisis of faith about what he knew was coming.  Then it came and for my faith, the period from Thursda...

This morning I woke up dreaming of ships.  Then I thought about water and how refreshing I feel whenever I see the Lake. Perhaps it was the newness or just the fact that yesterday was not a sad day.  I celebrated my son with my own private birthday party at Benton Park Cafe' after I spent a little time shopping at Paste Crafts in Soulard.  I then went to the Central West End to Something Special by Lillian and ended up having a wonderful conversation at the Starbucks on Maryland Plaza and Euclid. When I came home from my day of reflection, I hugged my kids and smiled at the blessings before me.  I let the shower water cascade down my freshly maintained (and trimmed) locs and just smiled at the day.  Sunshine has kissed my face and Ms. Ann reminded me that my son was always with me in spirit and I would see him again. Then today came and we walked in Forest Park.  He gave me a flower from a magnolia tree and as we kept feeling the warm air of God's gif...